5. They Have an Abundance Mentality:
We have all seen our share of wimpy politicians, especially in recent years, but one of the most powerful statesmen of all time was Sir Winston Churchill, who was the Prim Minister of Great Britain during World War II. Even in the darkest hours of the war, when hope for victory against the overwhelming forces of Hitler was reduced to just a prayer, it was the dynamic spirit and unwavering will of this stalwart man that helped rally the weary spirits of the allied forces in Europe into one of the most critical military victories in the history of the world. In commenting on what it takes to bring success in life, Mr. Churchill stated that:
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; while an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
When searching for an adoption opportunity, you can approach the experience with either an "abundance" (or optimistic) mentality, or a "scarcity" (or pessimistic) mentality. Those who adopt a scarcity mentality are often motivated by the fear that there will never be enough adoptable children to go around, and that they will be left without a child because they are competing with every other adoptive couple for every child that is available to adopt. In the eyes of these couples, if a birthmother shows any kind of interest in them, but ultimately decides to place her child with another adoptive couple, it is as a tragedy, rather than the wonderful beginning of a new family. This scarcity mentality prevents couples from being able to focus their attention and efforts on an achievable goal, which in turn can set them up to feel discouraged and overwhelmed by events that seem to be beyond their control. Without a realistic and achievable goal to focus on, they often lose hope that they will ever be able to adopt. Henry Ford, once said:
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
When couples are able to approach their adoption experience with an abundance mentality, they are able to be confident that in spite of what the statistics may show, they will NOT be competing with 70 other families for any of the special children they are going to adopt. They draw great strength from knowing that they only need to be concerned about the ONE special son or daughter that is meant for them right now. That focuses and greatly simplifies the adoption process for them, to a point where their goals become realistic, comfortable and very achievable. These couples can then focus their efforts on "being" the right parents, and "preparing" themselves to "receive" the child that is right for them, rather than on feeling like they must be locked in a painful competition for every adoptable child that comes along, whether that child is the "right" child for them or not, or feel cheated if another couple is blessed to adopt the child that is right for the unique circumstances of that other family.
It becomes rather easy to spot the couples that are caught in the clutches of a scarcity mentality. These couples often decide to not attend baby showers and other celebrations for other couples with new babies, or who have successfully adopted, because they feel it is just too painful to be there without a child of their own. They may even avoid holding the new babies of others, or may find it difficult to be genuinely happy for any successful adoptive couple, especially those who are their close friends or family members.
Within the framework of a "scarcity" mentality, there will never be enough of anything to go around; while from within an "abundance" mentality, there is a peaceful confidence that there are one or more children for every serious adoptive couple, and that when the time is right, and when they are prepared, a loving and concerned Father in Heaven will provide them with whatever is best for them.
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Note: Our authors are dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent, and open conversation about adoption. The opinions expressed here may not reflect the views of Adoption.com.